thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
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The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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