So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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