I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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