I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize