I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
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If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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