Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize