EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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