I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
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Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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