I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize