I don't think brook has ever known best
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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