I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
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We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
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She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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