i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
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Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
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I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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