you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
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Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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