Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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