I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize