So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
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My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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