Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
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my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
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Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize