Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
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