so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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