Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize