And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
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I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
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