Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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