If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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