I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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