maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize