How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
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You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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