And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
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Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
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Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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