when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
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Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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