so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize