I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize