It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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