I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
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I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
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You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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