My Higher Power is John Stamos
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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