you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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