i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
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there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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