I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
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I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
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I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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