i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
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planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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