After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize