time to smoke my breakfast
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You made out with two different species that night
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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