According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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