he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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