yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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