when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize