im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
The feeling are messing with the penis
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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