summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
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literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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