So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
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No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
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There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize