The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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