life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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