Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize