I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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